Tom has now “dominated” two televisions… spoken in my boyfriend’s terms.
Deluxe virtue of embellished desires blanketed by pure intensity of hesitant wisdom; cradled by filth and incubated through fear, never knowing always growing. How is it we came to be, by ourselves for the one, the rest invisible? Save me the backwashed ideals from circumcised dribbles of regurgitated apathy so I can feel, fly free. Freedom to set myself on fire and fertilize the earth for no reason besides sheer boredom nestled on a teetering knife’s edge, sharpened by frugality and hardened with time, wasting precious hours of mine, that I had no use for, leaving trails of bread pudding to mark your turf. Astronomy never suited my endeavors, distant conspiring galaxies intertwining because of physical eugenics? Planned or unplanned the ball point yields nothing to the effect of a cold plank paper, hammered with nonsense.
Floating by with a scavenger’s eye, picking up the pieces and still leaving the core. What happened to the beat, to the one, to the funk in town, in my eye, my gait has lost measure and is in danger of being swallowed whole by the gaping jaws and drooling jowls of mediocrity incarnate. I used to care much much more but since I’ve turned around to build a house for the ego I knew, I find it dissolving with each shiny new window I hang. This has been a constant fear of mine, that I dissolve, am mortal, constantly renewed. They say our cells die and give birth to new ones several times in our life and maybe that’s supposed to be comforting or maybe it’s pure science but in either event I feel the need to linger. Clutching to my teenagers emotions and creativity, unwillingly resigning myself to adulthood. Sell me all the toys, therefore, lend me the car, rent me the home and interest me in a loan for 30 years so I can feel at ease already. Running water only goes so far and electricity beaming effortlessly through my brain is hardly enough to satisfy me. With one sacrificing the other, convenience crucifies nature so I can write with this eco pen on eco paper in my eco school. What am I saving? Have I lost sight? Never, I am constantly seeing but not always learning, not always registering for visions collage of the community collegiate. It appears I’ll have to bide my time and bribe death or parenthood a while longer, to extend my stay in diluted selfishness a while longer, so I can make some more mistakes and have more wood for the camp fire stories. Hope.